Friday, January 4, 2013

The Double Bastard

The bottle begins with the definition of "diatribe."  A prolonged discourse; bitter and abusive speech or writing; ironical or satirical criticism.  Then comes the warning: Double Bastard Ale is not to be wasted on the tentative or weak.  Only the Worthy are invited, and then only at your own risk.  If you have even a modicum of hesitation, DO NOT buy this bottle.  Instead, leave it for a Worthy soul, who has already matriculated to the sublime ecstasy if what those in the know refer to as "Liquid Arrogance."  Given that I did not hesitate when I bought the bottle, I guess that I am "Worthy."

Then there is the diatribe.  I was not going to include it, but I can't stop laughing after having read it.  It begins: This is one lacerative muther of an ale.  It is unequivocally certain that your feeble palate is grossly inadequate and thus undeserving of this liquid glory ... and those around you would have little desire to listen to your resultant whimpering.  Feeble palate?  Resulting whimpering?  The diatribe continues: Instead, you slackjawed gaping gobemouche, slink away to that pedestrian product that lures agog the great unwashed with the shiny happy imagery of its silly broadcast propaganda.  Okay, that hurt.  I may be a slack-jawed gaping gobemouche (n. a fly swallower, boor, silly or credulous person [thank you Google and Free]), but I certainly do not slink away to any pedestrian product. I have the Beer Reviews to prove it.

The diatribe goes on but I am more interested in the beer itself.  The Double Bastard pours a caramel brown in color, with an off-white foam that persistently clings to the beer. The aroma has some malt and caramel; however, the primary element is the hops.  The exact identity of the hops is unknown, because Stone does not reveal the hops that it uses to brew the Double Bastard Ale.  In the end, it does not matter what type of hops were used, because the piney, citrusy aromas dominate and provide a very nice aroma for the beer. 

As for the taste, each sip is akin to someone stuffing your mouth with malts and hops.  That is not a bad thing, because the particular combination of malt and hop flavors work very well together.  There is the smooth caramel flavors of the roasted malts, that grip the tongue, as a fistful of hop flavors hit the roof of your mouth and the back of your throat.  In the past, I have had beers that have been maltier -- like the Brauerei Schloss Eggenberg's Samiclaus Classic -- or hoppier -- like Fat Head's Hop Juju.  The Stone Double Bastard Ale is probably the one beer that I have tried that combines both, resulting in one of the maltiest and hoppiest (if those are words) beers that I have tried. 

And, finally, that is a pint glass.  No small rotund glass with curved edges so that the aromas of the beer could caress my nostrils.  Instead, I wanted a big glass with a wide straight opening so that all of the malt and hops could smack me in the face. That is just how I roll.

I found this beer at a local grocery store, but I cannot remember how much I paid for a bottle.  I did a little research and, from what I could find, the Double Bastard Ale sells for about $7.99 to $8.99 a bottle.  Regardless of the cost, it is worth the price.   Only if you are "Worthy."


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