Chef Bolek's Scariest Moments in the Kitchen

Halloween is the time of year when everyone thinks about everything that is scary or spooky. While this particular holiday does not rank among my favorites, I nevertheless got to thinking about what are some of the scariest things that I have prepared in the kitchen since I started this blog thirteen years ago.

I also decided to write this post. I figured that, over those thirteen years, there had to be some misfires, some disasters, or even some questionable dishes that were probably better left un-posted. Then, while going through my old posts, I remembered the cardinal rule of my personal culinary blog: Don't Post the Disasters! For the most part, this rule worked. It probably prevented the scariest dishes from ever seeing the light of day.  

Still, the "word" scary can have different meanings in different contexts.  For example, it could mean the ingredients that strike the most fear in the eater. It could also mean the most frightening-looking dishes ever presented to a guest. Keeping this in mind, here are some of the scariest things to ever grace this blog: 

Top 3 Scariest Ingredients

Over the years, I have cooked with many different ingredients. The idea of learning about those ingredients, how they are used, and their place in the cuisines around the world have propelled me to try things that, as a kid or even as a young adult, would have sent me fleeing in terror.  Here are three dishes that contain some of those ingredients. 

1.  Fried Lamb's Liver and Heart (Khalyat Alkadba Wal Galoob). This dish comes from my Around the World in 80 Dishes personal culinary challenge.  It was the challenge for Libya.  Don't get me wrong, this offal dish was delicious. The combination of two spice mixes (bzaar and hararat), along with hot chile powder turned this recipe into an amazing dish. I think that, for the average person, a plate of lamb hearts and lamb livers would be scary and off-putting. That is why this dish made the list. 

2. Pig Trotter Curry (Kangchu Maroo). This is another dish from my Around the World in 80 Dishes personal culinary challenge. It was the challenge for Bhutan. Unlike the recipe for lamb's liver and heart, this recipe did not have multiple spice mixes. It is a simple curry, with only garlic, ginger, and chiles. These ingredients provided flavor to the overall dish, but the absence of those spice mixes meant that one could taste more of the pig's feet.  I loved this dish and it has always been on my list to re-make.  

3. Pork Offal Meatballs (Frattaglie di Mailale Polpette). While the last dish included pig's feet, this particular dish goes one or two steps further (pun intended). It includes pig neck and pig tails, which were boiled together with the pig's feet to make meatballs. The triumvirate of pig parts was a little difficult to handle and probably could have used a little more binding to keep them together. Needless to say, these are not your Italian grandmother's meatballs. They were still delicious, and, in some respects, just as good as regular meatballs. 

Top 3 Scariest Dishes

While I have done my best to ensure that none of my failures ever see the light of day, I have to admit there are some dishes that still made the blog.  These dishes fall into the "what were you thinking" category.  Here are three of those dishes: 

1. Lobstercake Sandwiches. This dish was my effort to recreate an amazing Lobster Burger dish that I had at Chef Michel Richard's Central. That dish had big chunks of lobster meat held together by the smallest amount of binding.  My "re-creation" was more like a soupy Frankenstein. Frozen lobster meat (bad choice), bolstered with scallops, bound together with a "soup" that left me scrambling to try to save the dish. The end result barely resembled a lobstercake. I couldn't even cut the cheese correctly for the picture.

2. Rockfish with a Trio of Sauces. This dish haunts the cook in me.  What was I thinking? Quite frankly, I had the idea of creating a "stop light" trio of sauces that could complement the flavor of rockfish (which I love).  I should have just looked at the red sauce, stopped with the idea, and made a different dish. Each of the sauces was basically an uninspired puree of a different bell pepper.  The only true difference between the sauces was the color. This recipe leaves me shaking my head, and, would most likely leave Chef Gordon Ramsey saying, "what the f___?" 

3. Dungie Cakes with a Yellow Pepper Saffron Sauce. The last dish draws inspiration from the last two recipes: a forgettable "cake" with a regrettable "sauce." The cake, which was made from dungeness crab, turned out slightly better than the lobstercake, but what really doomed this recipe is the sauce. I can already hear the calls of "c'mon man." A yellow pepper sauce with saffron? Saffron turns everything yellow. What's the point? To have those little red strands poking through the gloppy, yellow mess? Who is going to see the strands with the diced onion and peppers littering the plate?

In the end, it is good to go back to acknowledge one's shortcomings. It is the only way that we learn. For example, I have learned that I am never going to do a stop light trio of sauces. I have also learned that, since that day, I have made some dishes with amazing sauces.  And, finally, while I may not be the biggest fan of Halloween, I do love trying scary ingredients. 

To everyone, I hope you have a Happy Halloween and 

ENJOY!